i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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