I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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