I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
