12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
