how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
