and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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