Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She even gives head with a lisp.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
