Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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