We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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