Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There are leaves in my underwear?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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