only if we run a train.
done.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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