Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
