So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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