I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
