True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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