she woke up with a sticky ear
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
