This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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