Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
