how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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