This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
