whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
