theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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