Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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