Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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