Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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