So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
