So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
