i just sold back the books i vomitted on
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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