laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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