Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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