i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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