so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
