Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
