please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
