Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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