I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
