No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am midnight drunk by noon
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
