My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Still dying that you shit outside
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
