mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
