Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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