Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
