Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
This toilet bowl is my home.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
