She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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