Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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