apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
