He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
