Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
