"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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