You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
