He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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