Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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