I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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