last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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