so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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