So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
