am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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