I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize