Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
