Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
