So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
