remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
