After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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