wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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