the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
