you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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