I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Never underestimate the power of titties
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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