and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
