who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
