help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
