You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
