Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i think my cat just said my name.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
