You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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