Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
