hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Quick, to the slutcave!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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